New Year, New Beginnings, New Resolutions.
Beneath every layers of a silently neurotic being,
Lived a heartfelt innocent soul easily tamed by love and society...
Lived a heartfelt innocent soul easily tamed by love and society...
Every bittersweet , memorable moments in life comes along a whole series of emotional rollercoaster dramas..
In between all the joyous gatherings, lies an inevitable temporary happiness and devastation part of me.
Attaining a long term permanent job fulfilment during this periodic phase has been my main struggle in spite of the lists of interviews attempted. Even though I did manage to obtain and gather several part time working experiences along the way, some parts of my life were still...
Missing. Incomplete. Lost.
Attaining a long term permanent job fulfilment during this periodic phase has been my main struggle in spite of the lists of interviews attempted. Even though I did manage to obtain and gather several part time working experiences along the way, some parts of my life were still...
Missing. Incomplete. Lost.
After undergoing a rough patch during the past year,
I reexamined and reevaluated a lot further merely not just only myself as a person but also the contemporary community as a whole in general-- which led a significantly, remarkable impact on me towards a different paradigm of socialization.
As much as I accepted the idea of acquainting with new people who entered my life, and with people whom I've placed effort in staying connected to from my dark past schooling days who viewed me as a third wheeler in their social circle. Or who knows, probably also as a social victim given my naïve sense of character.
Despite even perpetuating and prompting them with gracious manners and valuable deeds over the years, it was odd yet strangely enough how simple little favors were never returned nor taken back into consideration .
Ironically,
The nicer one treats another, the more the other takes advantage of u.
Solemnly as to speak.. Unfortunately the brutal truth of how society and friendship works today, was tremendously difficult for me to grasp, sink and process it in...
I do always regretted many times for creating space and welcoming unnecessary temporary people easily into my life--
Those who viewed me as a free will person for their own personal selfish beneficiaries,
Those who has taken me for granted and became complacent,
Those who wasn't willing to go on an extra mile for me in return EVERYTIME.
Those who viewed me as their own personal advantage without my extensive knowledge of what their main intentions and priorities were towards me, as much as I just only wished and wanted to expand my social circle thus at least have a few close, reliably true friends.
It seemed as if the more I placed efforts into salvaging and saving my past friendships, the more it felt as if I'm pushing them even further away from me.
I reexamined and reevaluated a lot further merely not just only myself as a person but also the contemporary community as a whole in general-- which led a significantly, remarkable impact on me towards a different paradigm of socialization.
As much as I accepted the idea of acquainting with new people who entered my life, and with people whom I've placed effort in staying connected to from my dark past schooling days who viewed me as a third wheeler in their social circle. Or who knows, probably also as a social victim given my naïve sense of character.
Despite even perpetuating and prompting them with gracious manners and valuable deeds over the years, it was odd yet strangely enough how simple little favors were never returned nor taken back into consideration .
Ironically,
The nicer one treats another, the more the other takes advantage of u.
Solemnly as to speak.. Unfortunately the brutal truth of how society and friendship works today, was tremendously difficult for me to grasp, sink and process it in...
I do always regretted many times for creating space and welcoming unnecessary temporary people easily into my life--
Those who viewed me as a free will person for their own personal selfish beneficiaries,
Those who has taken me for granted and became complacent,
Those who wasn't willing to go on an extra mile for me in return EVERYTIME.
Those who viewed me as their own personal advantage without my extensive knowledge of what their main intentions and priorities were towards me, as much as I just only wished and wanted to expand my social circle thus at least have a few close, reliably true friends.
It seemed as if the more I placed efforts into salvaging and saving my past friendships, the more it felt as if I'm pushing them even further away from me.
As difficult as it was to process the reason and fact to why many of them from the past left easily.
Or those who might've also viewed me as the awkwardly social victim back in my secondary days, given my inadaptable capabilities towards my main mother language- MANDARIN..
Regardless whichever opinionated circumstances they had towards me back then;
whether it was either for positive or negative unintentional-intentional purposeful reasons, it has sincerely brought me an immensely indirect signals yet an empowering learning past experiences from them.
Perplexed by their past form of indirect merciless cruelty and gruesome acts,
not only had it shape me towards becoming a more self-aware individual, it certainly did place me in a crucial position towards developing trust issues by narrowing only certain selective reliable, trustworthy beings within my close, intimate social circle.
(As much as that idea had always been my last option in mind.)
Nonetheless, on the bright perspective,
I'm still eternally beyond grateful, blessed and thankful to have a wonderful family who has overfed and over sheltered me.. in addition to my fewer closer friends who've accepted me for who I am and stayed by my side through thick and thin, for enabling me to recognize and work on my mistakes even given my deepest flaws.
Bottom line throughout all this;
Let bygones be bygones.
Forgive and forget.
Make many, trust a few.
Be nice to all, be kind only towards the notably worthy well-deserving ones.
And let karma eventually be the judge and determinant to our faith and rights in the end.
The beginning to every of their downfalls starts off by one's complacency.
If they're never there for you at your worst, they never deserve you at your best.
Or those who might've also viewed me as the awkwardly social victim back in my secondary days, given my inadaptable capabilities towards my main mother language- MANDARIN..
Regardless whichever opinionated circumstances they had towards me back then;
whether it was either for positive or negative unintentional-intentional purposeful reasons, it has sincerely brought me an immensely indirect signals yet an empowering learning past experiences from them.
Perplexed by their past form of indirect merciless cruelty and gruesome acts,
not only had it shape me towards becoming a more self-aware individual, it certainly did place me in a crucial position towards developing trust issues by narrowing only certain selective reliable, trustworthy beings within my close, intimate social circle.
(As much as that idea had always been my last option in mind.)
Nonetheless, on the bright perspective,
I'm still eternally beyond grateful, blessed and thankful to have a wonderful family who has overfed and over sheltered me.. in addition to my fewer closer friends who've accepted me for who I am and stayed by my side through thick and thin, for enabling me to recognize and work on my mistakes even given my deepest flaws.
Bottom line throughout all this;
Let bygones be bygones.
Forgive and forget.
Make many, trust a few.
Be nice to all, be kind only towards the notably worthy well-deserving ones.
And let karma eventually be the judge and determinant to our faith and rights in the end.
The beginning to every of their downfalls starts off by one's complacency.
If they're never there for you at your worst, they never deserve you at your best.
Ending the old chapter of life with resentments.
Starting the new chapter of life with clarity.
Starting the new chapter of life with clarity.
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